Musing No. 10 – The Beast Can Make Or Break You.

So on goes my quest to help out all the little guys out there who want to make great music but don’t have the promotional bucks of Nickelback. (Speaking of Nickelback – is it just me, or do all their songs sound oddly the same? Maybe I don’t get it….yeah they have great words and all in their new songs, but do you think they could spring for a few different chords? Sorry – back to the topic).

But Damn, They look cool with their guitars.

I would like to emphasize the power of loyalty. This is very similar to what we in the business world refer to as the power of the local market. It’s very simple – if the audience feels a connection to you because of your sharing of the same location, then they will be loyal to you to the end. For instance, we here in Grand Rapids, love our ‘Red Hot Chili Peppers’ – being as they are a native Grand Rapid band. Red Hot Chili Peppers returns that loyalty by letting it be known that Grand Rapids is where their roots are, and then they throw us a bone with ‘Especially In Michigan’ a track that get’s frequent play in these parts. It’s a very basic concept, but one you had best learn – your home base will always be your strongest.

What? You mean people outside of Grand Rapids don't wear helmets all the time?

Now when you are smaller band – the rivalry will be between cities. When I lived in New York, the Capital Region (Albany) bands got much more love than the (sometimes better) bands from Poughkeepsie or Syracuse. Why - because they were from your scene. And they let it be known where they were from every show. Their crowds would follow them to all over the state to hear them play the same damn songs, lol, because they were one of them.

The Beast Looks Hungry....

Just remember wherever you go – keep your home base in mind. Create a street team, where they can help you out with promotions, and you can give them free shit. Give away freebies at the home shows - letting the crowd know that you don’t do this for anyone else. That makes it even more powerful – because it combines the power of loyalty with the power of free stuff – two marketing dynamos, especially when it comes to the music industry.

Now in contradiction – if you don’t acknowledge your home base any differently than you do any other crowd – if you don’t remember ‘the little guy’ when you go big….or bigger anyways – then they will make you bleed. They will tear you apart.

Remember this from Oz? This is you if you forget your home base....Not cool.

Always remember where you came from as a musician, always remember the hometown – because they are ultimately your foundation, and will almost always be your biggest fans and biggest promoters.

End of Musing No. 10

Musing No. 9 - Musician Magic

So I will deviate from my usual amusing posts to discuss a musician matter....just this once, lol (who am I kidding, I always deviate from the norm, lol):

You don't need the big processing units or big editing units to create beautiful musical art. As a matter of fact, the big musicians envy you. Yes that's right, they envy you.

"Why is that" you may say? Well the reason is, because you still have the 'Wow Factor.' With your little First Act guitar and crappy peavy amp, you have the ability to amaze people with your ingenuitive creative ability. True art is created with little and made into big. You see that little amp and crappy guitar you have by your side? That is all you need by way of tools to create the music the world needs to hear.

When you are small, you need to 'Wow' the world with your creative genius. Art is not something that is created with millions of dollars - art is something that is taking something and making it nothing. And you can do that. You can take that small Line 6, Peavey, or Marshall amp - you can take that small Dillion, Epiphone or First Act guitar create something that the world has never seen. You have to stop waiting for the world to hand you the big weapons that the music industry has at it's ever-waiting disposal, and know that the 'Wow Factor' is in the ability to make something amazing from your small stack/amp/crappy PC abilities.

The true artists can take a crappy doormat and make a picaso piece. The true artists can take a Target purchased guitar and make a form of music that the world has never seen. Sure, you will get picked up by a Major industrial label when you make that music, but the point is that you can MAKE IT when you have nothing. YOU can make musical art with nothing but your raw creative talent at your disposal.

I believe the industry has gotten into a funk. A funk that means the same old' same old. That is where you come in. You - the creative musical genius, who has nothing but his hopes his dreams and creativity, and his desire to make the world better.
The point that I would really like to Pound home is that you don't need the big fancy tools of the music industry to make the best music anyone has ever heard. All you need is a guitar and a microphone. Or heck, all you need is a tape recorder. Something to record you creating the best art the world has ever seen.

You need to be brave. You need to be daring. You need to dare to be ridiculed. Look back through history - the greatest creators of all time were ridiculed, they were torn down - all because their creations were different. But you know what? Different is the best. Different is the blood that the industry lives by. Different is what takes you on a multi-million dollar tour of America, Germany, and Ireland. DIfferent is what makes you the artist to define our generation.

I would advise you - over everything - to be different than the rest. As a musical artist, I can definitely tell you that different will get you somewhere in this world. Different will take you where you want to go. Different will make you the defining artist of our time. And I will personally sign you, on my label - Mannstein Records. (Shameless Plug, I'm sorry, I'm a marketer as well as a musician) I encourage all inspiring musicians and musical geniuses to follow your path of different. Because different will get your noticed. It may not make you the next Nickelback....but let's face it...there are loftier goals, lol. Every label is looking for the next big thing - and you might be just that.

Don't be afraid to be different. You might be the next big thing.

End of Musing No 9
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Smart Idea #485 - We're Really On A Roll Here....

Musing No. 8 - It May Become An Epidemic

I've been reminded lately of who I am.

What exactly do I mean?

You have to know who you are. And you have to know it, not base it on anything else. You can't base it on people that you think are your friends. You can't base it on popular opinion. It's not a puffed-up pride, that you think you are always right about everything. But you are the only one who can truly be right about who you are.

If you don't know who you are, your perception of your self image will change with every blowing of the wind. If you don't know who you are - friends, surroundings, hard times - anything and everything will change who you are. I am sad to say, I have a few friends that this describes perfectly. They change every time they feel bad, they change every time they hang around one friend for any particular amount of time, they change every time they have turmoil in their life. They are just a leaf, blown by the wind.

Now, I am a religion-hating God lover, and I say this because by definition I am a christian, but I share very little traits with most christians I know - so I like to avoid the label. Most Christian's self image is very loose, as it is usually based off of a moral code presented by a minister. The problem with this scenario is that, instead of God being a foundation in their life and self-worth, that minister becomes the mirror holder. And when that minister says something that is not of God, well they have already given that minister their mirror - not God, so they follow where the minister takes the mirror, in whichever way they choose to twist or distort it. At this point - the minister is setting their self-worth, and has complete control of them.

I'm gonna eat you.

Don't get me wrong, this is done with more than just minsters. Many people's sheeplike following of the Obama movement is incredibly similar. Or people's following of rockstars, movie stars - you name it. When you base yourself on what someone else says, you no longer exist - you have become a mannequin.

Self worth is a big problem in today's world. And it affects all walks of life. From the severe breakdowns in the public limelight - like those of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan - to the big business man who gets hurt every time someone attacks him for making the money he earned at his job - to the everyday man who so desperately wants people to like him - to the girl who buys magazines of what she is told are beautiful women, and develops eating disorders or cutting herself to cope. If you don't have your own self-worth, you will be miserable.

Now to many, this sounds prideful. "Your ego is so huge, that you don't care what anyone says about you. You don't even care when others try to correct you." This has been said to me. And you know what? Aside from the ego part, that's partly true. I am who I am. I am not ashamed of who I am, I accept who I am, and I know very well that I have flaws. But I also know that the moment I let someone else's opinion shape me, that is the moment I have lost myself. That is the moment I cease to be relevant to anyone.

Yay! Now I'm teachable!

There is a difference between being teachable, and being a ball of mush. I don't claim to know everything about anything. I know that there is plenty that I don't know. But one thing I do know - I know who I am. You can teach me a million things about a million things - but I promise you, you don't know more about me than I do.

My opinions, however mean or evil some people may think they are, are at the end of the day - actually MY opinions. They did not spout from some newspaper, tv show or comedian. They did not spur from what someone else told me I should think, they are what I formed myself. Your own opinions are worth more than a thousand repeater's opinions. Your actual opinions, what your thinking mind came up with yourself, are more valuable than every robot's opinions in the world.

Hey!

People are so tied up in wanting to be liked, that they lose who they are. They taylor their opinions to their audience. They craft their words to please people. And they are faker than Milli Vannelli's 'live' performances. And because of this - their opinions are worthless.

If you are fake or people pleasing - I do not respect you one iota. Let's just get that out of the way right now. Fake answers in the hope of 'peace' will get you nowhere with me. I would much more appreciate a severely opposing viewpoint - but one that you actually hold and came to yourself, than a fake all-out agreement.

I would like to encourage all the rebels out there that dare to have their own thought every once in awhile - that you are heading in the right direction. You need to figure out who you are, for yourself, and I promise you, your life will be so much happier than anything you have ever felt before.

I've been reminded lately of who I am. It may become an epidemic.

End of Musing No. 8

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Musing No. 7 - This Year I Promise

Yes yes, it's that time again, that time when the old year ends and and the new year doesn't. It's the time when people realize that they didn't do anything they said they would do the last 5 New Years, and they are sure this is the year they are going to do it.

Captain Insano vowed to Show No Mercy...but showed mercy anyway.

Well...actually it's past that time of year. I read that most people forget their resolutions for the new year by about the end of the second week of the year, so I figured I would not make a resolution until around that time - thus outlasting all the slackers out there. This also achieves the goal of being a trend-setter, as I am now probably the only person talking about resolutions, and I have waited long enough that I am not 'still' talking about it, I am now talking about it 'again' - which I think we would all agree is much different.

BEGIN

This Year I Promise to become a professional wrestler, but so as to avoid the ho-hum of *yawn* regular wrestling, I will only be wrestling little old ladies & midgets and/or dwarfs. I am painfully aware that many midgets and dwarfs are surprisingly strong, but I believe this would provide the highest comedic value while still somewhat solidifying me as a badass. So if your grandma is bored, or if the guy who played the little dude in the R2-D2 outfit is still alive - tell them to call me - I've got an ass-whooping waiting for them.

And you were thinking "How could I possibly improve upon the A-Team?"

*Edit - After watching a hilarious youtube video, I think it would be hilarious if the midgets and/or dwarfs were wearing no pants while we wrestled.*

*Edit2 - After thinking about it, that sounds superhero gay. Scratch that idea - keep your pants on, little people.*

*Edit3 - And don't you get any ideas either - little old ladies. You keep all the clothes on, and put on more still. That loose, dangly, wrinkly skin is an unfair advantage when wrestling, as it is proven to be a choking hazard.*

This Year I Promise to try to get a Hoveround chair, because they look so damn cool - and good news - if my medicare doesn't cover it they will! Since I don't have medicare, I'm pretty sure my non-existent medicare won't cover it - so I'm golden! What? You doubt how cool that would be? You ever go into the grocery store and drive around in one of those old-folks chairs until security stops you and kicks you out of the store? Wasn't that awesome?! Now, imagine that you could do that - only everywhere, and all the time! Yeah, that kind of awesomeness can only be found with a Hoveround!

For more proof of how badass this would be, check the vid.

This Year I Promise to send in pictures of myself to TMZ until they put me on their show. This is the new badge of honor, and a true sign that you have made it. I am prepared to show my breasts.

Who is this guy, and why do I suddenly care about his cold-sore?

This Year I Promise to buy a bridge in New York City. I found a guy who says he can get me a great deal on one, near Brooklyn apparently. I've been told it's impossible to do, but that just gives me more motivation to prove them wrong. Whenever anyone tells you something can't be done - you kill yourself trying to accomplish it. I mean, look, people told Keanu Reeves that he would never be able to act with emotion - well, he showed them wrong! People told the president that he couldn't fix the economy, and he showed them wrong! People told Ellen Degeneres that she was funny, and she showed them wrong! How many bridges are near brooklyn....

The new Anti-Suspension Bridge.

This Year I Promise to run a marathon while wearing Heelys. To pre-empt the emails I will undoubtedly get that this is 'super easy', I will take 6 tylenol pm right before I run/heel this marathon and see if I can make it to the end. I am also prepared to show my breasts here.

An Epic Fail isn't really a Fail at all. :-)

And To End It....

This Year I Promise to demand the timeslot of whatever job Conan O'Brien lands at next. To kick him in the balls even further, I will promise him the job and give it to him, then demand it back. Hehehe. I feel this would be hilariously funny, and while many of you love Conan, I have no doubt you are still tickled at how funny, yet tragic this would be - and the tragicness would only really add to the funny. So help me, I will take Coco's shift at K-Mart if that's where he ends up, and the whole while, his self-deprecating humor will create good times had by all!

*Sigh* "Fine, kick me in balls...What else can you do to me?"

Happy New Year Everyone!

End of Musing No. 7

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Musing No. 6 - My Late Christmas Blog

So this time of year everyone is happy, excited, pissed off, depressed, drunk or a random combination of the previous. You have alot of cause people out there as well, and many of these amuse and annoy me at the same time. I would like to offer a make light of these misguided individuals and give them a nice little joyful jab in the spirit of the holiday. :-)

'The Anti 'XMas' & Anti 'Holiday' people"

You guys are idiots. Like serious. This is from the devout purists Christians, who think everyone who is saying Happy Holidays or Happy XMas are anti-Christmas. While they may be anti-Christmas in their intent, what they are saying is not. XMas was simply a shortening of Christmas using the first letter of the word 'Christ' in the greek, which is Xristo. Holidays was shortened from what originally used - 'Holy Days.' Th

ese words are not a product of Anti-Christmas sentiments, but of verbal laziness - which coincidentally, we Americans superiorly notorious for. So please stop boycotting stores for saying Happy Holidays, please stop encouraging other Christians not to frequent places that use XMas in their advertisements - and please, oh please, stop associating yourselves with Christians who don't have a stick up their butts. We're not the same, and you know it.

"The Anti-Commercialist People"

Now for all you Anti-Commercialist hippies out there, you need to smoke double amounts of weed around your Christmas season, that way the rest of us can enjoy ours. :-) Yes, of course Christmas has become commercialized - if you have lived very long on this planet, you know that anything that people like becomes commercialize

d. That's the way it works. You can't force people not to commercialize, and of course all industries that can profit from Christmas will try to. I would like to see one of you try to stay in business without capitalizing on whatever holiday would normally make you good money. And by capitalize I mean for or against whatever your target demographic wants. It's how they make money, and that's generally the point of being in business.

"The Christmas Boycotters"

Ok, so I understand that some people don't like Chr

istmas, I really do. Lots of people have had bad experiences with Christmas, or are having a shitty life at the moment, or are mad at me for writing this blog. Go ahead and boycott Christmas, that's fine. But don't try to make us feel bad for not being Scrooges and celebrating Christmas. I don't feel bad if you go on a diet and I get to eat all the cheesecake.

"People Who Want You To Ask What Holiday They Celebrate"

If you are a jew, an actual african, or some other religion who celebrates something other than Christmas, let me explain something to you. Christmas is a National Holiday here, therefore as long as you are in America, we will wish you a Merry Christmas. You will not get wished a Happy Hanakuh, a Happy Kwanza, or any other holiday because those are not National Holidays here. They are however National Holidays in their respective countries who celebrate them, so if you don't want to get wished a Merry Christmas, they probably won't wish you it in Israel or Africa - feel free to go there.

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The real key is to realize - Christmas is not going to be perfect, because it is celebrated by people. And people screw things up. This is the one time of year when you should strive not to get offended over petty things like what holiday they wished you or how they said it. That's the exact opposite of what this season means. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

End of Musing No. 6

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Amusing Christmas Billboard

A church named St. Matthew in the City erected THIS billboard for the holidays.
Fa la la la la la la la...

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